What I wish I knew about relationships my first year of college

JACKIE MARQUEZ / OPINION EDITOR

My freshman year of college I was worried about a lot of things, but my love life was the biggest source of anxiety. Coming into college, I felt an expectation to find “the one.” I had heard so many stories of people who met their spouse in college and got married soon after graduation that it seemed like the norm. Plus, dating seemed like a fun new experience that I didn’t want to miss out on. I felt a self-imposed pressure to put myself out there and start meeting people. So, I downloaded a couple of dating apps. Getting matches was addicting, and I started hyper-focusing on getting validation from guys. I spent so much time making sure I was likable and attractive that I lost sight of what was truly important. 

There are better things to focus on than romance in your first year of college. If I were to do it all over again, I would devote more time to myself, my academics and my friends. 

While college is the best place to gain new experiences, the main purpose of going to university is to get an education. Diving into a relationship can distract you from that purpose. Relationships take time and effort. Unfortunately, classes do too. Many professors insist that for every hour spent in class you should spend two to three hours studying outside of class. However, a cuddly movie night is much more appealing. To have a successful love life alongside a strong academic career you have to balance what you want with what you need. You also have to manage your time to do that. 

As a first-year, you may not have all of those time management skills yet. For the first time in your life, you are fully responsible for how you spend your time, and that takes some getting used to. It’s important that you adjust to your newfound freedom before you start a relationship, or else you might give more time to your partner than to yourself. 

On top of developing time management skills, your first year of college also requires you to develop friendships. If you’re lucky, you might know a few people at your new school, but if your hometown is far away, you may have to rebuild your social life from scratch. To be completely honest, starting over can feel really lonely. For me, I felt like the new friends I made didn’t understand me in the way that my friends back home did. Because of that, a romantic relationship seemed like the best way to get the emotional closeness I was missing. It was not. 

I quickly found out that college relationships aren’t always as long lasting as friendship, and when one of my relationships ended, I wished I had a better support system of friends. After two full years of college and a couple of communication classes, I’ve accepted the fact that making deep friendships takes time. It’s best to invest in these friendships your first year; at this point many people are super open to making new friends. Relationships can wait, but at a small school like USD, it can be hard to make new connections once people have established their close circles. 

Also, if you’re dead set on dating, making friends may be more beneficial than actively seeking a relationship. According to research published in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, 66% of romantic relationships start as friendships. By prioritizing friendships in your first year, you may be setting yourself up for relationship success later. 

As you invest in friendships, it’s also important that you take time to invest in yourself. Your first year is a time of self-discovery, but if you’re preoccupied with a relationship, you  may  miss  out  on  that. Thanks to your newfound independence and free time, you’ll have tons of new experiences. You’ll meet new people, explore new places and learn about the world from a new point of view. 

With all these new opportunities, you’ll learn more about yourself. However, if you’re in a relationship you may devote more time to your partner than to said opportunities. You may also pay more attention to your partner’s needs than your own. Understanding who you are as a person ensures that you don’t lose yourself in your partner. As such, it’s important to hold off on dating when you first get to college. 

While there’s no one-size-fits all approach to relationships, I wish that I personally would have held off on dating my first year. 

Progressing through college, I’ve had the opportunity to gain some of the experience needed to have healthy relationships. I took communication courses that taught me relationship maintenance skills, I made friends and I took time to learn about myself.

 After all of that, I stopped expecting to find “the one.” I realized that most college relationships don’t last forever, and that I wasn’t in the place for a super serious long-term relationship anyway. 

These realizations lessened my self-imposed pressure to date and changed my perspective on relationships. Now, rather than expecting never-ending love, I view new connections as an opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth. 

Thanks to this development, my relationships have been healthier and happier, which is why I encourage you to save dating for after your first year if you can avoid it.