Satvika Nitya / A&C Editor

“There are plenty of fish in the sea” is a phrase taken quite literally in the world of polyamory. With its premise of consensual non-monogamy, the idea of having multiple romantic partners has slowly seeped into discussions in spaces like classrooms and even mainstream media.

From representations in shows like “Good Trouble” and “Succession” to the media frenzy surrounding Jada Pinkett-Smith’s description of her marriage to Will Smith as a “relationship of transparency” — though it was riddled with extramarital relationships — polyamory has been brought to light in recent conversations, sparking both approval and opposition.

But first, let’s define polyamory and what it entails. “Polyamory” is the practice of developing multiple intimate, romantic, and often — though not always — sexual relationships simultaneously, with all involved parties aware and consenting. In simpler terms, it’s a type of relationship where someone can pursue and love numerous partners, with the permission and knowledge of everyone involved.

It is a term that falls under the broader umbrella of “non- monogamy,” also referred to as “ethical non-monogamy” (ENM), along with other nonexclusive structures like situationships, open relationships or swinging. This means that, unlike infidelity — which is often inaccurately interchanged with polyamory — all people involved are consensually and voluntarily non-monogamous.

There is not one way to be poly. In fact there are nine types of polyamorous relationships and based on the number of partners you have and the specific boundaries you’ve set with them, your relationship dynamics change and fall under various categories within the polyamorous umbrella.

The biggest question that arises after hearing about polyamory is: how does this even work? The answer is communication. Open communication with everyone involved is the biggest driving force of polyamory, along with trust, respect and patience. Communication, along with regular testing, is also how they maintain sexual safety within their relationships. Recent research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine stated that poly couples have fewer STIs than those practicing non-consensual non-monogamy: infidelity.

Contrary to popular myths that polyamory has no possibility of permanence or family future, there are millions of polyamorous relationships that are homes for children. In fact, according to sociologist Dr. Elisabeth Sheff’s research, it is these qualities of strong communication that cause polyamorous households to contribute sincere emotional nourishment to children, with the presence of multiple resources and support systems.

With the rise of polyamory in current conversations, the dominant topic of argument is over the idea of whether it is a lifestyle choice or not. For those that oppose polyamory, are not involved in it or are resistant to fully accepting its presence, the argument lies in the idea that polyamory is immoral and an easy out from commitment. Author and sex therapist Tammy Nelson attributed this need for multiple partners to pandemic- born concept known as “domestic ennui”, where people, after being stuck in the same space with one person for a long time, are willing to explore more. Though Nelson promotes this exploration, his attribution of polyamory to boredom has been used as a way to condemn polyamory by many.

USD senior Jason Reed resonates with this sentiment about polyamory in his own way.

“My initial reaction to hearing about polyamory is to think that people just don’t want to commit to one person,” Reed said. “It sounds like commitment issues and if it’s not, hearing about the rules involved and what not, I think it’s a really good exercise in open communication — but it’s not for me. I can openly communicate with just one person.”

For those that practice polyamory or believe in its validity, it is not as much a lifestyle choice, as it is a deep- seated orientation. In an article from Vanity Fair, political activist and writer Caroline Rose Giuliani talked about her experience being polyamorous and argued that polyamorous folks are simply wired to love multiple people. Being polyamorous is how they experience love and relationships in its truest form, and someone can be polyamorous even if they are single or only have one partner; being polyamorous simply means that they are open to the idea of loving more than one person. For some people, polyamory is how they feel bodily autonomy.

Giuliani further explained that thinking of polyamory solely as a “choice,” rather than an orientation is harmful. She highlighted a very important distinction, saying that since most of the U.S. current anti- discrimination discourse revolves around fixed, immovable traits, like race, gender or ethnicity (relationship status not being one of them), polyamorous couples can be denied housing, prevented from advancing at work and even fired without any legal recourse.

USD senior Viviana Moiso shared their thoughts on this issue. “I don’t think polyamory is a lifestyle ‘choice’ in the same way that I don’t think being gay is a lifestyle choice. It’s just the way your brain chemistry works,” Moiso said. “So [polyamorous individuals] being denied rights is the same dilemma as unmarried, but long- term couples being less likely to be considered for adoption or housing. It’s unfair and frustrating. Polyamory is often compared to polygamy, where men have this long list of wives whereas a ‘polycule’ is where it’s real people, who love each other deeply. And I don’t think people should have to exclude one or more of their partners, to be more likely to receive basic rights.”

Outside this discussion, scientists have also provided some background over this inclination to polyamory, by saying that humans have an innate impulse to be non-monogamous. Evolutionary psychologist David M. Buss of the University of Texas says that monogamy is not biologically ordained. Our current dominant mode of monogamy is an evolutionary social process, reinforced by institutions like marriage and our societal set up for bi-parental care for children.

USD senior Steven Iannicca talked about the science and how he looks at polyamory.

“Based on the research, it does make sense that we lean more toward being polyamorous, but I think it’s also how we’re raised and culture plays a huge role in it,” Iannica said. “Monogamy and polyamory can both coexist, but I think it ultimately comes down to what you think is right or wrong. And culture and the way you’re raised play a huge role in determining that.”

Regardless of your opinion on the matter, it is a fact that currently, in the United States, 4-5% of the population practices polyamory, which is around 13 million people. Yet, the only three cities that have legal protections and rights for polyamorous folks are Somerville, Arlington and Cambridge, all in Massachusetts. And there are only a handful of lawyers across the country that specialize in polyamorous rights to defend them from any discrimination and hate they may face.

Even though there’s a long road left to cover in terms of the social and legal course of polyamory, at least those who practice it have multiple hands to hold while they make this journey.