In the new age of dating, a wide variety of labels are emerging to describe romantic-like relationships that two or more people create with each other. Asking the big question of “what are we?”  can reveal discrepancies in how each person in the relationship feels about the appropriate way to describe their commitment to one another. The newly surfaced term “situationship” has been trending and used by many in younger generations to describe this confusingly labeled “romantic-ish” relationship between two or more people.  

Situationships, as defined by the Women’s Health Magazine, is a romantic relationship that lacks commitment and the associated norms and expectations that come with that. Essentially, it’s (ironically) a label for a “label free” relationship. Although this may seem rare, there are many people that experience this kind of label-less relationship in the dating world.  

USD junior Meredith Sheridan considers herself to be someone who regularly goes on dates in her early 20s and has experienced many situationships over the years.  She expressed how these kinds of relationships make her feel and what she’s learned from them. 

“I’ve been in lots of situationships. Too many to count honestly,” Sheridan said. “When I was younger, like around 18, I didn’t have as much experience dating, so these types of relationships were a lot harder for me mentally, because I wasn’t mature enough to communicate what I was feeling or what I wanted from the relationship, and disregarded whether that person was taking advantage of me or not.  Now, I like to set my boundaries really early in the relationship, so even if I’m not looking for a relationship at the time, I’ll just say, ‘hey, I’m not looking for a relationship at the time I would prefer for us to do X, Y, Z,’ and if something changes between either of us, we’ll communicate that.”

The timing and dynamic of situationships can vary from person to person. Sometimes they are presented after a few dates, when it’s too early to label or discuss the status of a romantic relationship. Other times, it can be a way of defining a causal relationship that is predetermined by all parties to be ‘short-term.’  

USD senior Abby Baines has also experienced many situationships, but she highlights how the relations and dynamics of these situationships change by identifying within the LGBTQ+ community.

“Something interesting I’ve noticed is that my situations with men were always pretty non-confrontational, like the men I was with were never going to bring it up.  They never asked ‘what are we’ and never hinted at wanting a relationship or to be more exclusive,” Baines says. “With women and nonbinary partners it’s definitely been different.  More often asking ‘what are we,’ double checking that it was just a situationship or friend with benefits, and on the other side of things, they would also frequently try to bring up the conversation about dating or becoming exclusive.”

One unfortunate reality for some people is that they may experience a situationship without the knowledge that they’re  entering into a label-less relationship. This is oftentimes a one-sided, unrequited desire  by one partner who wants  something more, while the other partner doesn’t hold such plans of love.

USD senior Riley Lim has experienced such reality through the partner he met while away in Europe.  He describes his experience with the situation, as well as how he chose to close that chapter.

“I met this guy when I was studying abroad, but we really hit it off near the end of my trip so we unfortunately had to do a very interesting long distance situation. It caused a lot of anxious attachment, I was just yearning for him all the time —it wasn’t fun,” Lim says. “After about eight months I sent a text saying, ‘I don’t think I can talk to you unless we are in the same place where we can really grow a relationship, and I don’t think it’s the best to stay in this gray area and continue talking.’ The conversation of ‘what are we’ would come up all the time — like I said — we were talking on and off for eight months online, so every other week we would redecide if it would be best for us to be together or apart. It really had to take someone to say ‘I really think we have to cut off all contact in order for us to feel better,’ and that’s what I did.”  

 A central premise to why many situationships occur in the first place is the daunting feeling that can come with communicating a final or transitional decision in a relationship. However, no matter what you’re experiencing — from exclusive/committed dating, to “friends with benefits,” your opinion in the “what are we” conversation can help in clearing the confusion and possible anxiety that can come with a situationship. Healthy relationships can be strengthened by acknowledging the value of your feelings in the matter and relaying them to your partner. If you find yourself in a sticky situationship this Valentine’s Day, regardless of what the other person chooses to give or not give and do or not do, surround yourself with people who appreciate you and communicate that care to you this Feb. 14.

Situationships or unclear relationships can create anxiety around holidays such as Valentine’s Day.   Photo courtesy of @chris.blucat/Instagram