LILY ANDERSON / ASST. OPINION EDITOR

ABC’s “The Bachelor,” a renowned success in the realm of reality television, has captured audiences everywhere with its romantic promise of love. Crucial to “The Bachelor’s” charm is its unique dating process, all crammed into a short eight weeks of filming. Within this time frame, 30 or more different women are thrown into extravagant dates and heartfelt confessions, while on the quest for a fiancé. Meanwhile, the male star eliminates one or two women each week based on the initial connection he feels — or doesn’t feel — with them. 

Beneath the fairytale lies a distorted example of relationships, further emphasizing unrealistic standards around dating and pushing  aside  the  pursuit of real, true love. While it is  okay  to indulge in this fantasy, it is crucial to recognize that it does not portray real love. 

“The Bachelor’s” engagements rarely last. The average length of the relationships after the show is just over three months, and so far, only one couple out of 28 has gotten married and stayed together. While the most recent love birds, Joey Graziadei and Kelsey Anderson, seem to be going strong, the “Golden Bachelor” contestants have not experienced this success. 

On April 12, Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist, who were wed three months ago, announced their divorce. They reported that they still love each other, but their life plans ultimately do not align. They will be looking for love with other people independently. 

These relationship failures are a direct result of the way that “The Bachelor” is set up. Studies indicate that men typically fall in love after around three months, while women need approximately 4.5 months. These statistics directly contrast the rushed pace of “The Bachelor,” where contestants are expected to proclaim their love within a matter of weeks.

The show often romanticizes the notion of “love at first sight,” portraying it  as a transformative and instantaneous phenomenon. However, relationship experts, such as psychotherapist Angela Ficken, caution against confusing initial attraction with genuine love. “Love at first sight” is frequently fueled by physical desire, masking the depth of emotional connection essential for enduring relationships. On top of this, misguided feelings can also make it easy to “love bomb,” which is manipulating someone by dramatically expressing affection. 

“The Bachelor” is fond of grand gestures like helicopter rides, candlelit dinners and international trips, which invoke an image of romance steeped in extravagance. However, true love thrives in everyday moments. It grows through shared grocery shopping, morning conversations over coffee and the predictable nuances of life. The show doesn’t allow these regular occurrences, shocking couples when they enter their normal lives.

The premise of “The Bachelor” is also completely different from normal courtship. Its setup mirrors a buffet-style approach to dating, where contestants are sampled, evaluated and ultimately chosen or discarded. Genuine love goes beyond such superficial evaluations; it is a complex journey traveled through shared experiences, mutual understanding and strong commitment. 

Viewing relationships, even in their beginning stages, as something that you can easily throw away is a dangerous narrative to push. This concept reinforces hookup culture, which many college students are familiar with. In these early stages, the bachelor usually has no problem sending women home since he has so many other options, yet the women are devastated because they already had their heart set on him. 

After the show concludes, the contestants experience the peak of the “honeymoon phase.” They are so happy to have found their person that they cannot think and see clearly. They are also celebrated in the public light as well, immediately after they are allowed to resume spending time together. The real world is too much to handle when this awe eventually disappears. On top of figuring out how to live life as partners, the couple is also subject to intense media scrutiny. Many failed couples blame the spotlight for the fall of their relationship. 

Susie Evans and Clayton Echard, who were on season 26 of “The Bachelor,” explained on Instagram, “We know no healthy relationship comes without its struggles, but we’ve realized that we were not prepared for the external forces that hindered our ability to not only heal as individuals but also as a couple.” Had their relationship formed under more typical circumstances, they wouldn’t have had to deal with the intense pressure of the media. 

Dr. Jenn Mann, a psychotherapist who focuses on celebrity relationships, acknowledges that contestants on “The Bachelor” may experience infatuation but stresses that love needs much more time to deepen and evolve. She asserted that developing a mature love takes around 18 months. 

Dr. Mann explained that many Bachelors fall victim to the “scarcity principle.” This psychological concept refers to our innate tendency to value something because of its rarity. Since the bachelor spends so much time away from the women  competing for his love, he tends to fall in love with the idea of them. Unlike women, men usually need time apart from their love interests to strengthen their feelings. It is no surprise that the bachelor is under the impression that he is in love by the end of the season; he spends most of his time away from his future wife. 

The show is not only a confusing, difficult process for the show’s male lead but also for the women participating. Being forced to watch the person you are interested in pursue other people is a concept that most contestants admit to be torturous. This stress causes their perception of the bachelor to change, viewing him as more desirable. 

I’ll admit, I’m a big fan of “The Bachelor” myself, albeit a new one. Bonding with friends over shared laughs at its sheer entertainment value is fun. During spring break, I found a bar that was having a watch party, and I got to experience the excitement surrounding the live finale. 

Having said this, it’s essential to recognize that real love transcends reality TV’s scripted narratives and settings. Instead, it thrives on authenticity and vulnerability. By embracing a more holistic view of romance that extends beyond artificial constructs, we can lift up healthier relationships rooted in genuine connection. In redefining our understanding of love, we shift away from fairy tale fantasies and towards more profound, meaningful connections — ones that actually withstand time.

Joey, the most recent bachelor, fell in love in just three months. Photo courtesy of @bachelorabc/Instagram