JULIE FROMM / ASST. OPINION EDITOR

The views expressed in the editorial and op-ed sections are not necessarily cessarily those of  The USD Vista staff, the University of San Diego, or its student body.

Coming into my final semester as an undergraduate college student, the last thing I wanted was to go through an emotional breakup with my long-term boyfriend. Trying to figure out my plans for next year was stressful enough — going through heartbreak  added another layer to that confusion and uncertainty. However, once I got back to San Diego and was finally able to vent to my friends, I quickly found out that I was not alone. 

Several of my friends, who are also seniors and were in long-term relationships, were going through the same thing. As the end of college approached, they began to evaluate their romantic relationships, trying to balance making decisions about where they will be next year with the sacrifices necessary for a relationship to work . They realized that they needed to be on their own during this time. 

It was a relief to see that I wasn’t alone, and I realized that, though my relationship and breakup are personal, this is not a unique experience. As mine and my friends’ senior years began to wind down and we struggled to decide what we wanted to do post-graduation, choosing ourselves was the one thing we could agree on. Senior year break ups are incredibly difficult, especially when they fall right in the midst of Valentine’s Day, but they do have some benefits.  

At the beginning of this school year, I wrote an article about the stress that comes with not having an answer to the question, “What are your post-graduation plans?” Now, I have the answer to that question. I’m lucky to know relatively early where I will be moving at the end of this school year and to have a job secured.

 The question that I dread receiving now is, “Is your   boyfriend going with you?” It is difficult to imagine balancing the end of my college career with the ups and downs of a break up, creating answers to this dreaded question that are not rude but acknowledge the fact that my boyfriend and I broke up. The greatest silver lining is that it has forced me to recognize aspects of my life that I was overlooking, including my friendships, my academics and my independent future. 

I have spent many nights over the last few months discussing my break up with my friends, who have so kindly listened as I went over the same issues  that my ex-boyfriend and I were facing over and over again. We have laughed and cried, and they have given me advice that I  cherish  and  hold  close every day in order to get through. 

What I realized in the thick of all of this was that my friend group, my support system, is the greatest relationship I could ask for in this time of my life. Knowing that I have great friends who are experiencing the same things as me, whether that is going  through a break up or trying to figure out where they will be post-graduation, is very rare. I am now able to recognize that there will be few times in my life where I am surrounded by people who completely understand what I am going through and can support me in a way that aligns with my current situation. Although we have discussed how gut-wrenching holidays like Valentine’s Day will be, we also have Galentine’s Day dinner, graduation parties and last hurrahs to look forward to, and it is with all of these  upcoming events that I have realized  that my friends are the truest loves of my life. 

Ending a long-term relationship left a void in my life that has been hard to fill. My friends have been a saving grace in that regard, but keeping myself busy with school has also helped me immensely. I am able to devote more time to my  academics than in the past, and have   found that the  more that I do that, the  happier I feel. I am incredibly grateful to be able to attend college and receive an education that many people are unable to receive. 

Although I believe I will return to school someday for a graduate degree, knowing that I will be leaving school for a time is often impossible to wrap my head around. I am someone who truly enjoys and values learning. Throwing  myself  into my education has been a rewarding distraction; even when I wake up in the morning and dread the assignments I have to turn in  or  the  late  classes I have to attend, I feel grateful to be studying subjects that I care to devote my time and thoughts toward. 

It’s easy to feel distressed during a breakup. Photo courtesy of @Zhivko Minkov/ Unsplash

The most difficult part of my life to consider is my future. This has always  been  the case for me, as I am someone   who  feels  persistent anxiety about what I will do next or  where I will be a year from now, hence the  early decision  about  my post-graduation  plans. Despite knowing where I would be next year before ending my relationship, there is still so much uncertainty now. A relationship, if it is stable, can be a wonderful constant — something to rely on when things feel out of your control. In my experience, I realized that I was relying too heavily on that constant, and understood that I would not feel happy until I gained some independence over myself and my life. Ending my relationship was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it also showed me that I am capable of overcoming unimaginable obstacles, and that there is a great deal of joy in that. Even though I have my plans laid out, I still feel worried about the future in different ways, but I know now that I will be able to handle it and even enjoy it. 

Your twenties are a time to be selfish if you can be. Building your future and finding your footing in the world is stressful and often scary, but being able to do that with independence can be fulfilling along with the stress and fear. At a time in our lives when we are so young and the decisions we have to make feel beyond our years, focusing on yourself can be just what you need, even if you wish it wasn’t. 

I don’t feel that I am out of the woods in terms of getting through my break up, and I often question my decisions in fear of a misstep, but I do know that investing in myself and my friendships for the final semester of my college career was the greatest decision I could have made. 

Letting go of someone in college can be one of the biggest trials during college. Photo courtesy of @Farrinnil/ Unsplash