LILY ANDERSON / MANAGING EDITOR

Trigger warning: This article discusses topics of disordered eating, anxiety and depression. 

The views expressed in the editorial and op-ed sections are not necessarily those of  The USD Vista staff, the University of San Diego, or its student body.

Feb. 20 through March 2 is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week. According to the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA), 28.8 million Americans deal with an eating disorder at some point in their lifetime. The theme of this year’s awareness week is “The Time is Now,” aiming to emphasize the importance of sharing stories, finding resources and encouraging treatment. So, here is my story. 

Throughout my time in high school, I struggled with anxiety and depression, and I developed an  eating disorder as a way  to cope. I reveled in the false sense of control that this gave me, and I did everything I could  to deny there was a problem. On the outside, I tried to appear confident, happy and indestructible. On the inside, I was constantly and desperately trying to glue myself back together. 

I wanted to be someone who loved themself, but I wasn’t. I was my own worst enemy. I transformed into a person I didn’t recognize, both in the mirror and  in  my mind. I stopped eating, talking to my friends and leaving my house because I was too cold to step outside in the dead of winter. Afraid  to feel the emotions I knew were inside of me, I starved my brain of the nutrients it needed. 

COVID-19 and the isolation that ensued only made things worse. The World Health Organization found that, in general, anxiety and depression increased by 25% during the pandemic. I continued to spiral, and I hit my  breaking   point  when I was left to sit, think and come to hate the   things I was doing to myself even more. Eventually, my family, my treatment team and I decided that a change  desperately needed to happen before I dug myself into a hole I couldn’t get out of. 

I realized that the change needed to  come from  within. If I wanted  things to be  different, I was going to have to honestly want to get better. I packed my bags and left for a residential program to help me sort out my eating and my mental health. 

I was scared out of my mind and only told a handful  of friends the day before I left. Besides a few weekly Zoom calls with my  family, I had no phone or contact with the outside world. I was there for six weeks with six other girls, and it changed my life. I found a community  who  understood me. I devoted all my time and energy to shifting my mindset and habits, which eventually started working. I learned grounding techniques, coping skills and the perspective  that I was simply selling myself short. I realized I was my own roadblock. Sick of setting myself up for failure, I decided I’d had enough. 

While the experience was far from easy, I left with a glimmer of hope. I knew that I had the power to change with the tools and resources I had been given. No longer was I concerned with gaining weight. Instead, I wanted to gain back happiness. I wanted to regain a smile, warmth, love and the ability to become the person I wanted to be. 

Since then, I have still struggled. I occasionally battle with  thoughts  surrounding food and my body. Recovery doesn’t just stop one day. Like fighting an addiction, it is something  you commit to for the rest of your life. I now know that when the voice telling me not to take care of myself gets too loud, I can shut it down. I know that  I never  want  to return to where I was during high school; I want to grow  and learn and continue to help myself and the people around me. 

I do  this by  being vulnerable and knowing when I need an extra hand to help hold me up during particularly stressful times, by reminding myself that I am worth so much more than any number or measurement and by focusing on intuitive eating and listening to the signals that my body is giving me. There are many tools out there that   professionals can help you  identify, and  something different  will  work  for everyone. 

A couple of years back, I wondered if there was a point in stories like these. I’ve always been told that openness and shared experiences are important, but transparency can be terrifying. I wasn’t sure if opening up would actually have a positive impact. 

The first time I posted online about eating disorder awareness, I was met with over 100 messages from friends and acquaintances thanking me for starting  a   conversation  about the topic. One particular comment from a friend of mine validated everything I was hoping for. 

“Lily, you are my inspiration, and you helped me find support,” she wrote. “You are so beyond strong, loved, and cared for! Proud of you.” 

I realized in that moment that if I could help one person find hope, everything was worth it. I want you to know that you are never alone. If you are struggling with food, exercise, mental health, weight or intrusive thoughts surrounding your body, I have been there. 28.8 million Americans have been there. I hear you, and I see you. 

There are resources here on campus that can offer support, such as the USD Counseling Center, located in Saints Tekakwitha and Serra Hall 300 or reachable at (619) 260-4655, and the health center, located in Maher Hall 140, which can be contacted at (619) 260-4595. Speaking to a trusted adult or close friends is another great way to begin the process of finding help. 

If you know someone struggling with disordered eating, it can be challenging to understand how to best offer help. I recommend approaching the situation with grace. Avoid making any accusations or diagnosing  their behavior. While good-natured, interventions can often result in increased secrecy and defensiveness. 

Instead, check in regularly, show  them  you  are  always  there to listen and be honest about your concerns. Encourage the involvement  of a professional and emphasize that additional support is needed. Everyone’s journey will be different, and finding the right path can take a while. It may take multiple conversations until they feel comfortable  being   candid  about what they’re going through, so be patient and show love. 

Disordered eating occurs in many different ways — it is not “one size fits all.” No matter your experience, your struggles are valid and you are worthy of support. You are not broken, and this is not permanent. You deserve to  love yourself and feel loved no matter what you look like. You deserve to experience  excitement and build community around food, not sit with fear. Choosing to change my  mindset and actions has led  to so much more  joy than I ever thought possible. Asking for help is much easier said than done, but it is so worth it. 

I believe in you. Break the silence. Stop the cycle. The time is now. 

With love and gratitude, 

Lily Anderson. 

Eating disorders heavily impact Americans and are more common than many may think. Photo courtesy of @neda/ Instagram