RILEY RAINS /ARTS & CULTURE EDITOR

Once upon a time, posting your boyfriend on Instagram was the biggest flex. These days it might just earn an eye roll. Young women negotiate how much of their romantic lives they’re willing to share, and what that decision will say about them. Vogue opinion writer and social media influencer Chanté Joseph released an article — “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?” — that put the battle to the test. The piece argued that society views boastful relationships as shameful, and independence as empowering.  USD students weighed in on what it means to date without losing themselves — or their followers.

Chanté Joseph posted this collage of feedback on her Instagram account. Photo courtesy of @chantayyjayy/Instagram

In   order  to help  gauge a census of opinions, Joseph surveyed the top comments of Halley Kate and Jaz Smith’s “Delusional Diaries” podcast surrounding the matter. Viewers wrote: “Why does having a boyfriend feel Republican,” “Having a boyfriend typically takes hits on woman’s aura” and even “Boyfriends are out of style. They won’t come back in until they start acting right.”

After reading their responses, Joseph came to the conclusion that society deems it shameful for heterosexual women to have partners. 

“Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement, and, if anything, it’s become   more  of a flex to pronounce yourself single,” Joseph wrote. “To me, [the embarrassment] feels like the result of women wanting to straddle two worlds: one where they can receive the social benefits of having a partner, but also not appear so boyfriend-obsessed that they come across as quite culturally loser-ish.”

This struggle has presented itself in a dramatic shift in the way women treat their boyfriends on social media. Instead of bold “hard launch” posts, some straight women are opting for more subtle pictures: the boyfriend’s hand on a steering wheel instead of a confident smiling selfie. Another couple might post love-letter captions too long to fit onto a full screen, showcasing pictures that make their Instagram look like a relationship fanpage opposed to an individual’s account. As Toreros scroll on their Instagram, this contrast has quickly sparked conversations on campus. 

USD sophomore Emily Choi, who is in a committed four-year-long relationship, is cautious of private couples. 

“I think  it is very interesting that people want to hide their boyfriend on social media,” Choi said. “Some people don’t want others to think that [their significant other] is all they   are and all they say they are. But others try to hide their boyfriends because they are trying to get around. I think it is a bit suspicious if you don’t want to tell people you have a boyfriend. Are you cheating? Are you ashamed of them? I feel like you should be proud. I know I am.”

Posting on social media is only one facet of relationships; however, in the modern day, it has quickly become the most outward appearance of one’s significant other. While Choi is weary, she also recognizes that relationships are about balance. 

“Having that balance in life is the biggest adjustment,” Choi countered. “I know it can be very hard to balance having friends, a life and a significant other, so I don’t judge.”

Another argument Joseph makes in her article is that some women in the past have built their life around men. Joseph calls this phenomena “living in Boyfriend Land” — a concept that USD junior Stella Destino finds disturbing. 

“Yeah, I think most of the time [having a boyfriend] is embarrassing,” Destino argued. “If you’re accommodating your life for someone else then yeah, that is just embarrassing. I know so many girls that, unfortunately, have changed their lifestyle to accommodate their boyfriends or future husbands, and frankly it’s sad.”

Whether it’s moving across the country or emptying a drawer for boyfriends, Toreros question whether sacrificial acts stem from embarrassing surrender, or genuine love. While Destino is a champion of independence, USD sophomore Gavin Kerr pointed out that wanting a relationship is a very human desire. 

“I don’t think having a boyfriend is embarrassing,” Kerr explained. “We are social creatures, and we all want to have community. It isn’t realistic to have complete solidarity. The status of a relationship is meant to be beneficial, that is why people get in them.”

Kerr, like Choi, is in a committed relationship. USD sophomore George Johnson, explained his position on “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing” as a single man. 

“As a bachelor, I think I’m goofy and silly, not embarrassing,” Johnson joked. “These people are crazy.”

While the opinions on Joseph’s article are all over the board, it is undeniable that women’s expectations from society are constantly evolving.

In the age of independent “Girl Bosses,” Joseph explains that straight women have to constantly evaluate heteronormality in relation to a pressing conflict: proud   love versus social validation.  

“As straight women, we’re confronting something that every other sexuality has had to contend with: a politicization of our identity,” Joseph stated. “Heterosexuality has long been purposefully indefinable, so it is harder for those within it, and outside of it, to critique.  However, as our traditional roles begin to crumble, maybe we’re being forced to reevaluate our blind allegiance to heterosexuality.”

Joseph’s Vogue opinion piece, “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing?”, draws attention to the many expectations society places on women and criticizes them  for living in “Boyfriend Land.” Toreros debate Joseph’s claims, reflecting on the complexities of balancing relationships in college as heterosexual women.

Some people opt to post soft-launches, like the image pictured above, instead of bold selfie posts. Photo courtesy of @loreley/Pinterest 

Whether students romanticize the single life or proudly boast about their boyfriends, articles like Joseph’s highlight the constant struggle some  women, especially college students feel  regarding their roles in society.

The USD Vista posted this poll on Instagram. Photo courtesy of @theusdvista/Instagram